Happy Monday!
It is almost 1:30PM and I am just now drinking my first cup of coffee. I am in PJ's and my house is a bit of a mess.
I was supposed to have a blog post up by 6AM this morning..and clearly, that did not happen.
Why?!
Because, I was sleeping.
In the past I wouldn't have missed a post deadline, or I would have come up with some perfectly good excuse to give you that would still make me look like SuperMom. (Some days I really want to go back to there and slap myself up the side of the head and tell myself to sleep..and eat better and exercise more...but that is for another post. Sigh.)
However, I have recently learned some things about myself...and one of the big things that I have learned???
I require sleep. Consistent sleep.
Now, don't get me wrong. I am not sleeping the day away on a regular basis..or napping everyday. But I have learned that if I do not consistently get a certain amount of sleep...bad things start to happen.
Back in February everyone was sick. We were basically sick from December until February with a small two week break in between. If it wasn't asthma attacks, it was a stomach bug or a terrible flu like cold that lasted 3-4 weeks. I thought Anna was going to cough her poor little lungs out. It was not a pleasant time in the tiny house.
I had went about the sickness like I always do. I do it all and forget the rest..neglecting sleep and all other things that I had deemed unnecessary at the time. (Most of those things are important, but I had decided they were not at the time.) That is kind of typical of me, and most other mothers that I know.
That probably would have been ok if the sickness had passed quickly, or I didn't have a new baby, or if we didn't have a child with terribly chronic asthma in the house..who hadn't been sick for the last 18 moths straight. Either way. It is what it is and I kept doing what I do...because I'm Supermom. Or at least that is what my husband had claimed me to be.
During the last two weeks of the sickness all three girls were very, very sick. Asthma attacks, coughing, ear infection, the list went on and on. I just couldn't keep up.
I had already not been sleeping well since after the baby was born.
Some things happened that were causing me to have terrible anxiety about some things..then with everyone being sick...I was barely sleeping at all. The worst night I slept on the floor between Addison on the cough (Emma was on the other couch) and Anna in her chair...I think I got an hour and a half of sleep. I had been up all night going between the three of them with breathing treatments. I had the machine in the middle of the room and just made my rounds. By the time I finished with one, another one would need it. So the circle continued.
I had never been one to ask Dustin for help. When the first two were born he worked nights plus days at home in our own business. He was a busy, busy guy. I stayed home and so I naturally took the brunt of the household chores. I didn't mind and it worked for us.
Fast forward about ten years and two more kids...and this Mama was seriously over extended. But I felt like I wasn't allowed to say it was too much, because what mother does that?
I was super mom and super mom does not admit defeat.
Well..after the incident last Fall that had already been causing anxiety for me...and having Anna around the same time as well...I had been having issues with anxiety. Not just a little anxiety..A LOT of anxiety. The kind that grips you in your chest and you feel like you can not breath. Yeah.
The night that the girls were at their worst I hit my breaking point. I woke Dustin up (Something I never do. He is not a heavy sleeper, thanks to years of working nights. So I try not to wake him.) because I felt like I was dying. At that point I had not had hardly any sleep for days and the little I had had was broken bits or with a baby in my arms.
Dustin didn't really get what I was trying to get across to him at the time...but I kept telling him that I needed sleep, something was wrong with me. I had hit my point of breaking and he needed to listen. Super Mom was dead...she had died from exhaustion...what a Sissy!
All that was left was me...an exhausted, rundown thirty year old woman who was surviving on caffeine and clearly too little sleep. (I also wasn't eating well because of stress and not drinking enough water.)
Thankfully I have a loving husband who did eventually get the point. He sent me off to bed and then made me nap over that weekend. He has been following me around ever since asking if I have eaten and slept and had enough water to drink.. and if I am OK?!?!
Yes, I am OK. The anxiety has since moved on. Apparently sleep deprivation will do that too you.
However, I learned a few fast hard lessons about myself from those exhausting months.
1. I am not SuperMom, I do need help..having a large family only works if both parents are involved. I still think my job is to be at home and taking care of all that entails. However, I now know that this is not the season to have everything perfect...as well as...I was expecting a lot more out of myself than my husband was expecting out of me. Imagine that, I was over achieving. (I sure hope my daughters read this when they grow up!) I also know that I can't do it alone...and asking for help is the only way it will get done. Because apparently my husband is not a mind reader. ;)
2. I require sleep. I am not 19 or 21 anymore..and sleep is necessary. I have to have 6.5-8 hours of sleep on a regular basis...or bad things start to happen. I have also had to learn to pay close attention to how I am feeling..because the exhaustion creeps up slowly for me. (If you watch our vlog, I said something about being super tired on Friday..and I had started to feel it creeping up then...Look at the 3:40 minute mark.)
If I do not watch for the signs and be proactive about fixing it...the anxiety starts.
3. I have to eat well and drink plenty of water. Oh how I remember the days of living on mountain dew and a package of Ramen noodles. Yeah, I had an eating disorder..and it was not pretty. Plus we were young and drowning in debt...and it did not make for healthy choices.
I require vegetables, and water and protein! It is a must. I have to be careful about what I eat. Yes, I eat a huge variety of food items, and probably some that I shouldn't (I love ice cream!) but I also have to be sure that I am eating enough of the healthy stuff. Or I start to feel like this..
4. I have to exercise! Walking is my person favorite..because I can do it with the kids. I have also been lifting and starting back to running again...and hula hooping. One of my favorite hobbies!
I also have a fitbit and have been entering into step challenges. It helps to keep me motivated and active. :)
I know that I sleep better when I am exercising. I also know that I do not sleep well when I get too much exercise. It has to be a happy medium for me.
Any who...I did not get my post up this morning because I was sleeping.
I am honestly wondering if Dustin said something to the kids over the weekend...because Addison was 'taking care of me' and Emma kept bringing me water...and Alex kept offering to hold the baby yesterday.
This morning I woke up(After not getting much sleep again last night) and I told the kids that Mommy needed a nap. Alex jumped in and offered to watch Anna and everyone watched cartoons for a while. (Just to clarify, I was on the couch. Not off in some other part of the house pretending they did not exist.)
They all got their own breakfast.
Addison's cereal that she got all by herself. She was so proud! There was also a burned pop tart somewhere in the mix of all of this.
Alex and Emma also got dressed and started school somewhere in there....and there were some shenanigans that took place.
Everyone had on paper hats and were talking like pirates when I emerged from my slumber.
There was also a cup of coffee setting on the coffee table for me. Thanks to Emma.
Did we check things off from the never ending list? Nope.
Did the baby get dressed before she ate lunch? Nope.
Have I done any laundry today? Nada.
Where the kids perfectly behaved and silently studying their Monday morning away like all good little homeschoolers do? *Giggle* I can't even keep a straight face on that one.
Nope!
They watched cartoons and ate pop tarts while I drooled on the couch and incoherently nodded my agreement to things when they asked me questions. Honestly...who knows what I agreed to. Maybe I should ask them and find out!
I am so blessed and thankful to have loving, forgiving children who realize that Mommy is not perfect and sometime she just needs a nap.
Now to just remind myself that I am not perfect and that I do not need to be.
These kids need and deserve a healthy mom, (In mind, body and spirit) and not one who is just trying to be perfect. And I hope and pray that they notice this about their mother and that they don't expect too much of themselves or their own spouses when they grow up and have families of their own.
Because the guilt and pressure is just too much....Super Mom...is just too much.
I finally feel like I have caught up on some of my sleep and we can move forward with life. As much as we like to lean into the crazy and the expectations and guilt and we say life doesn't have a pause button...it really does have a pause button.
You just have to be woman (Or man) enough to push the button and call time out!
So, Normal life shall commence again this afternoon at the tiny house and I will continue to work at being a good Mom and not a perfect Mom.
Happy Monday!
~ Not Super Mom....Just Lyndsay
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Yeah...like this one. (Thank you, Google Image!)
The screws were so tiny! 
